“Nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” Shakespeare’s Hamlet
As they were burying a dear friend yesterday. One week after his suicide, I was once again reminded by the news of the horrible pain that we humans can put ourselves through.
I know that mental realities can cause us pain that manifests itself into our bodies. And reek all kinds of havoc.
In the case of my pal. It manifested in him and a gun to his head.
Let me get off the grim reaper for a second and ask you if you have ever entered into a love relationship. And you just knew after a month or so that it was not a good thing.
But because of chemicals and perhaps laziness you kept it going.
My wife and I have in the past and we both admit that we acted fraudulently to our unsuspecting partners.
We were living and perpetuating lies that gave the other perhaps an inflated feeling of value.
That is what suicide feels like to loved ones.
I valued my pal for years. But his taking of his own life implies that perhaps I should not have.
Like I felt compelled to write an article on my Facebook the day I found out, Val Kilmer wrote a piece yesterday on his about his pal Anthony Bourdain.
He said how selfish the act was. Indeed.
“On a cloudy day that is so cloudy it’s one large mask of grey, does it mean there are no more clouds or parting of clouds, ever? Or that the burning life giving sun is not on its way or that it is already there is ones powers of imagination and perception will only open like with the ease of a child’s mind, open to see and feel the peace and reassurance if the heat and light that buried and the light that annihilates the shadows that frighten, that may have even been until moments ago absolute proof that there were no there are no monsters in the room….Sometimes we must live in service to another’s life and live with no hope of equality. Life isn’t fair that way. Who says you had a right to take away all this love from us so soon? Oh the darkness. The darkness on the edge of town. “There’s a darkness in the edge of town…”you left too soon my friend. I fell asleep to watching you enjoy Uruguay last night. It was a rerun but I always find something I didn’t see before… you left too soon. And I’m going to prove it…”
Kilmer later apologized if he offended anyone who took his statement a bit harshly.
This was my post that I wrote on June in reaction my friend taking his life.
Matt was a drummer and this is what he had tattooed on his arm.
“Tim O’Keefe
June 1 at 9:16pm
A public letter to a newly lost friend:
I had the most uplifting discussion with a coaching mentor of mine yesterday.
He told me about coaching men for ever and to steal a phrase building men for others.
I was going to make that story and his lessons my first post today.
But I woke to learning that the man who introduced me to my wife and helped start me on my webmastering and SEO career. Took his life last night.
Please no condolences.
I just want you to know. It is never that bad. As bad as the pain might be.
It is not that bad. And as real as it might seem. It is not real.
When what we want, does not match with what we got.
Our mind appropriately warns us. Sends us discomfort.
We are actually working!
But then too many want to make it go away with a pill.
Another mentor of mine taught me a phrase that I have adopted and hopefully live by.
Adversity is nothing but a new and unprecedented opportunity to learn and grow.
As my coaching mentor warned me yesterday. Living and or coaching this way IS NOT easy. The culture gets in the way to sell the easy way.
So I write this as a warning.
It is never ever as bad as you might think.
What is the worse thing that can happen if you do not get what you want?
We need to get out of the transactional and into the process. Where self awareness lives.
When we go for what we want its not the touchdown or the score, but the growth that we will take with us forever beyond that transactional outcome. And usually that is enough to give enough scores. But is not the point.
I have no idea what happened yet.
But my wife and I have spent the day in and out of tears.
And I am pissed at you Matty.
You were one of the most talented men I have known. You had a natural charisma and ability to move people through your actions, your voice and your music. They wanted to follow you. I learned so much from you back in the day technically and have modeled much of your persuasion techniques.
I am not sure what happened. I thought you were on your way to getting your shit together.
I am so saddened by you being gone. And pissed that you think so low of all your loves that were not worth you reaching out for help.
I know you carried many a demon. But it was never any more real than you made it.
I share this publically So that if you are feeling this way.
Adversity is never that bad. Its only as bad as you make it.
In fact adversity could be a gift to get better. A warning.
Please ask for help if you get to that place.
There are folks who love you and even folks not as close as you might think whom are willing to guide you.
Always always always find the love in your life first, and the hope, and be grateful. Be kind to yourself and value yourself.
I value you.
I always mourn when someone quits. Especially when it is fatal and a loved and cherished part of my past.
Peace to you. I hope you are relieved my dear friend. I just wish I was allowed to be close enough to let you know that it didn’t require this kind of fanality to find your relief. Peace be with you now.”
It was this video that inspired me to visit this subject again.
When our pictures do not match up we hew-mans often can throw a hissy fit. We are not getting a match up on our vision and what is happening.
And as this story at Ted tells, its all a simulation hallucination anyway. And what if you tried on a new belief suit, that adversity or not getting our intended result. Is a gift wrapped in a new and unprecedented opportunity to grow and learn. (Rex Sikes quote).
Its all a gift to get better. So get to gettin’ better.
We can hallucinate our lives forward or backward . The good news is its not real either way, but we can choose to experience the cooler one at will.
https://www.facebook.com/TED/videos/10160484032995652/
